The Duality of Touch
by Lynn Thomas, LCSW
Printed in EAGALA News, Mar/Apr 2002, p.3
Treatment Goal: Build healthier relationships
Equine-Assisted Intervention: Grooming
How many of you have used this intervention? I have heard, discussed, and seen this
particular intervention frequently, so I know it is commonly used in equine-assisted
therapeutic approaches.
What is the theory behind this intervention?
The Concept of Touch
Several studies show the benefits of touching animals. Advantages include lowering
blood pressure, relieving stress, and releasing endorphins - the "pleasure" hormones
of the brain. Studies also show that touch can have benefits to the animals as
well.
Likewise, a lack of touch between mother-infant, parent-child, or husband-wife may
indicate problems in those relationships and even result in psychological/emotional
distress.
It is understanding of the above concepts that seems to lead to grooming as an
intervention for building relationships. The theory follows that touch leads to
bonding with the horse, which will lead to bonding with humans in other areas of
life.
Challenging the Theory
This intervention certainly applies when the goal is to "feel good." Examples such
as using animals in the Animal-Assisted Therapy field in hospitals, etc., certainly
makes sense as the goal is to lift spirits and give respite, if only briefly, from
the other pains being suffered.
Yet, if your treatment goal is to learn to build healthy relationships, I question
this intervention. Is touch the process of building relationships we are trying to
teach our clients?
Many times during an activity, a client will start petting the horse. We will ask
what he/she is doing and why? The client usually responds "petting the horse...to
build a relationship/to build rapport." Touch seems to be commonly associated with
building relationships. However, when clients ask the horse to do something,
there tends to be a lack of the desired response.
Likewise, if all parents do is hug and cuddle their children, when they need their
children to do something, whether it be a responsibility or activity, they may also
lack the desired response.
Relationships require more than touch or affection. Healthy relationships involve
responsibility, give and take, respect, trust, action, communication, and support.
These characteristics are generally not built by touch.
At the Annual Conference in Ohio, this concept of touch and building relationships
was illustrated, although not intentionally. April Clay, in her workshop entitled
"EAP - Exercises Dealing With Performance/Pressure Situations", demonstrated an
activity she developed called "Barrel Racing." Barrels (or cones) were set up a fair
distance apart in a triangular formation (i.e. a barrel racing set-up). With a group
of clients, she gave the instructions that each individual would guide a horse from
the starting point around each barrel and then back to the beginning. No halters,
lead ropes, or bribing could be used, but the individuals were allowed to touch the
horse (but not pull on mane or tail). Individuals went one at a time (while the rest
of the group watched) and were given 5 minutes to accomplish the task (being watched
and the time added to the pressure situation).
Each individual finished the task basically using the same technique of holding his or
her arm over the horse's neck and guiding the horse through the formation, except one
individual. She was not as successful using the touching technique, so she gave up
on that idea and started trying other ideas, including clapping, jumping, skipping,
and anything she could think to do. She did not complete the course. However, if
you looked at the relationship being built between each of the participants and the
horse, the individual who stopped using touch to accomplish the goal was then
motivated into finding a way to truly communicate the desired action with her horse.
This process of discovering how to effectively communicate without the control of
touch was the start of building a relationship.
Additionally, the added challenge also created an opportunity for relationship
building. Relationships are especially tested during the hard times and challenges
of life. Ironically, the most difficult moments are actually the best opportunities
for relationships to grow and become stronger.
From Love to Control
This activity demonstrated why, for many EAGALA activities, we set up a rule of no
touching the horse or using halters or lead ropes. When touch is used as an instrument
of control - to get someone else to do what you want - there isn't much relationship
building going on. I am reminded of Alfie Kohn's presentation at our Annual Conference
in Ohio in which he differentiated between "doing to" and "doing with" someone.
The first approach is about control, the second about relationships. "Doing with"
takes more effort. If you look at situations where touch is involved as a way to
"motivate", it is generally a "doing to" approach.
We were doing a family session. It involved mother, father, two brothers ages 10
and 11, and one sister age 9. We noticed mother always holding hands with the
father, or having her hand on the arm or shoulders of one of her kids. From first
impression, this seemed like a close family. We set up Life's Little Obstacles.
It didn't take long for passive aggressive and aggressive games to kick in.
Ideas were ignored and disregarded, blaming began, and the angriest looks you could
imagine were given to each other. That "affectionate" touch of the mother's quickly
turned to yanking and pulling to get her kids and husband to do what she wanted.
When processing later, we looked at the mixed messages mom was sending with her touch.
She pretended it was an affectionate, loving closeness, when in reality, she liked to keep
a close hold on everyone to exercise control.
As it turned out, there had been many physical altercations in this family, especially
between parents and kids.
We gave an assignment to not touch at all in this family for a while until mom and dad
could learn other skills in communicating and parenting their children. We did several
EAP sessions with the parents alone until parenting skills could improve and touch really
could mean a moment of love versus love with an agenda. The activities we used involved
no touching the horses, and sometimes each other. This forced them to find other solutions
in parenting such as improving communication skills, attitude, creativity, consistency,
honest, and respect - the basics of healthy relationships.
How We Incorporate Touch
So, do we ever allow time for clients to touch the horses? After all, as mentioned at
the beginning of the article, there are definite benefits to touch.
The basic structure we use for EAP sessions starts with asking the client(s) to go
catch a horse. After returning with a horse, we spend a small amount of time brushing
the horse. For an individual session, the client, Greg, and myself all grab brushes
and brush off the horse. This is a time to check in with the client - how has the
week gone, what does he/she remember from the last week? We generally spend less
than 5 minutes doing this. The brushing is a way to keep this talking time relaxed
and casual. We also relate it to getting prepared to work. Just like people, we take
care of ourselves, our hygiene, and prepare to work for the day. After this grooming
moment, we move into an EAP activity.
At the end of the session, we always invite the clients to thank or say goodbye to
the horses, if they want. We never tell them to touch the horses, nor do we say
something like, "If you massage your horse here, it means you appreciate him."
Remember, EAP is not about teaching our clients what we think our horses love.
If our horses love to be touched, hugged, and massaged, then do that for them in your
own time. If the clients want the horses to feel good, allow them to discover and
express that in their own way. As with everything we do, we want to learn about our
clients. Do the clients say goodbye? How do they say it? For how long, and which
horses? It is interesting to see the process of how clients choose to end the session
with the horses from session to session. By ending your sessions this way, you will
be amazed at the added information and insight you gain about your client, as well as
provide time for the clients to spend "alone" and unstructured with the horses.
Continued learning and insight is what EAP is all about.
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